As we all prepare to start a new year, it’s time once again to make those very important New Year’s Resolutions.
Resolution #1
2023: I will try to be a better husband to Lisa.
2024: I will not leave Lisa.
2025: I will try to fix things with Lisa.
2026: I will try to be a better husband to Rachel.
Resolution #2
2023: I will stop looking at other women.
2024: I will stop having an affair with Rachel.
2025: I will not allow Rachel to force me to get married again.
2026: I will stop looking at other women.
Resolution #3
2023: I will not allow my boss to treat me badly.
2024: I will not allow my sadistic boss to treat me violently to the point that I almost go crazy.
2025: I will fight for my rights against my bully boss.
2026: I will tell my psychiatrist and our group about my boss.
Resolution #4
2023: I will read 20 good books this year.
2024: I will read 10 books this year.
2025: I will read 5 books this year.
2026: I will finish “The Little Prince.”
Resolution #5
2023: I will not get angry when Bill and Roger make fun of me for being bald.
2024: I will not get annoyed when Bill and Roger tease me because of my wig.
2025: I will not lose my temper when Bill and Roger spread rumors that I wear a girdle.
2026: I will no longer talk to Bill and Roger.
Resolution #6
2023: I will lower my weight to 80 kgs.
2024: I will watch my calories until my weight goes down to 85 kgs.
2025: I will follow my new diet until my weight goes down to 90 kgs.
2026: I will try to have a positive attitude about my weight.
Resolution #7
2023: I will not drink alcohol before 5:00 p.m.
2024: I will not touch alcohol before noon.
2025: I will not be a “problem drinker.”
2026: I will not miss my Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
Resolution #8
2023: I will not spend my money on useless things.
2024: I will immediately pay my bank loan.
2025: I will immediately pay my bank loans.
2026: I will start working hard to pay all my debts by 2028.
Resolution #9
2023: I will go to my dentist this year.
2024: I will have my teeth filled this year.
2025: I will have a root canal this year.
2026: I will regularly clean my dentures this year.
Resolution #10
2023: I will go to church every Sunday.
2024: I will attend church more often.
2025: I will set aside time every day to pray and reflect.
2026: I will try to watch mass on TV.