dude: “Ano english ng water?“
(What’s the English of water?)emimeng: “H2O.“
dude (with intimidating stare): “Sigurado ka H2O?!“
(Are you sure it’s H2O?!)emimeng: “Uhm, oo, H2O.“
(Uhm, yeah, H2O.)(moment of silence)
emimeng: “Hindi, joke lang 😁”
(No, just kidding)
More or less, that’s how the conversation went. One night, while hanging out at the corner of Fifth Street with nothing to do, it was unintentional – but we actually learned a few things.
Drinking Session (Prologue)
denster: “Emimeng, kuha ka na ng pitsel at lagyan mo ng tubig. Tapos bibili na kami ni Jems ng maiinom at pulutan.“
(Emimeng, get a pitcher and fill it with water. Then Jems and I will go buy drinks and snacks.)emimeng: “Sige, pare. Antayin niyo ‘ko.”
(Alright, bro. Wait for me.)
The Secret of Pong Pagong
edgy: “Alam niyo ba kung bakit ‘yung isang kamay ni Pong Pagong eh nasa bandang dibdib niya lang lagi? Kasi pare, ‘yung isang kamay nung taong nasa loob, nagpapaypay!“
(Do you know why one hand of Pong Pagong is always near his chest? Because, bro, the other hand of the person inside is fanning himself!)
Bahaw Theory
jems: “Alam niyo, ‘yung mga bahaw niyo, masisira din ‘yan kinabukasan. Kaya ilabas niyo na para bibili na lang ako ng sardinas.“
(You know, your leftover rice will spoil by tomorrow anyway. So just bring it out and I’ll just buy sardines.)
Blurry Situation
denster: “Minsan, naglalakad ako at wala akong suot na salamin. Nakita ko si Zein. Naglalakad din, papunta sa akin. So, kinawayan ko at tinawag ko siya. Habang papalapit nang papalapit, unti-unti kong nare-realize na hindi pala si Zein ‘yung kinakawayan at tinatawag ko. Para hindi ako mapahiya, nung malapit na sa akin ‘yung lalaki na akala ko ay si Zein, sumigaw at kumaway pa rin ako sa imaginary Zein. Para hindi niya isiping siya ‘yung tinawag ko 🤪”
(One time, I was walking without my glasses. I saw Zein walking toward me. So I waved and called him. But as he got closer and closer, I slowly realized it wasn’t Zein. So to avoid embarrassment, when the guy who I thought was Zein got near me, I still shouted and waved… at an imaginary Zein. So he wouldn’t think I was calling him.)
Math
dude: “One plus one?“
balweg: “Two!“
dude: “Two plus two?“
balweg: “Four!“
dude (with intimidating stare): “Four?!“
balweg: “Hindi. Joke lang 🤭”
(No. Just kidding)
Sex Education
chito: “Virgin pa ako pero alam ko na lahat ng gagawin.“
(I’m still a virgin but I already know everything to do.)edgy: “Pero hindi mo pa alam ‘yung feeling.”
(But you don’t know the feeling yet.)kareshi: “Subukan mong magsawsaw ng pandesal sa kape, tapos idikit mo sa ano mo – ‘yun ang feeling.“
(Try dipping bread in coffee, then stick it to your thing – that’s the feeling.)
edgy (while reading an adult magazine): “Sabi mo nakita mo na ito Bina? Eh bakit sa tuwing may nagbubuklat eh lumalapit ka?“
(You said you’ve seen this before, Bina? So why do you come closer every time someone flips a page?)
The Secret of the Hand Trowel
denster: “Pare, nung grade four ako, nawala ‘yung hand trowel ko para sa gardening class namin. Sure ako na dala ko ‘yun nung pumasok ako. Binali-baligtad ko na ‘yung school bag ko, pero wala talaga. Umiyak yata ako kaya hindi pinaalis ang buong klase hangga’t hindi nabubuksan lahat ng mga school bags at hindi nalalaman kung sino ang kumuha. Nung hindi talaga makita, nag-decide ang teacher namin na mag-ambagan na lang ang buong klase para mapalitan ang hand trowel ko. Pag-uwi ko, at pagbukas ng school bag, dalawa ang hand trowel ko. Nakasiksik sa pinakailalim ‘yung isa.” 🤯
(Bro, when I was in grade four, my hand trowel for our gardening class went missing. I was sure I had it when I went to school. I turned my bag inside out, but it was really gone. I think I even cried, so the whole class wasn’t allowed to leave until all the bags were checked and we found out who took it. When it still couldn’t be found, our teacher decided the whole class would chip in to replace my hand trowel. When I got home and opened my bag, I had two hand trowels. The other one was stuck at the very bottom.)
Hygiene
edgy: “Pare, hindi ka man lang naghugas ng kamay. Amoy ano pa eh.“
(Bro, you didn’t even wash your hands. It still smells like… something.)
Drinking Session (Epilogue)
After a long round of stories…
denster: “Nasaan na si Emimeng?“
(Where’s Emimeng?)edgy: “Nabartolina na. Hindi na siguro pinayagang lumabas.“
(Got locked up. Probably wasn’t allowed to go out anymore.)jems: “Uwi na tayo. Naghintay pa ako sa wala.“
(Let’s just go home. I waited for nothing.)
I already posted this story before on my old blog around August 2005. I only changed a little in the aesthetics. Aesthetics ampota (Aesthetics my ass).